Parenthood is tough, but it becomes even harder when you’re a new parent trying to do your best, and then aliens, government agencies, and the multiverse decide to get involved. This is the challenge faced by Howard the Duck (Seth Green) and Darcy the Duck, née Lewis (Kat Dennings), in What If…? Season 3, Episode 4.
The episode not only asks “What If… Howard the Duck Got Hitched?” but also shows what happens when their firstborn turns out to be of great importance to several powerful groups, none of whom care about the baby’s or the parents’ well-being. This unusual adventure unfolds as a holiday story on December 25th.
Howard and Darcy’s Baby and Their First Day as Parents
The episode opens at the hospital, where Darcy is handed her and Howard’s baby by the nurse. The moment is recorded by Howard’s camcorder, capturing the couple’s joy as they look at their new child. At first, it’s difficult to tell who the baby looks like, as the baby is still an egg.
Howard wonders how long it will take for the egg to hatch, but the couple is too happy to worry about it. The Watcher (Jeffrey Wright) interrupts the peaceful moment, ominously telling them that the arrival of their baby is not only going to change their lives but the lives of everyone around them as well.
The Watcher then takes the story back to What If…? Season 1, Episode 7, titled “What If Thor Were an Only Child,” where Howard and Darcy first met at Thor’s wild party in Las Vegas. That night, they got married, and the world changed forever. Many extraterrestrials who had come to Earth for the party chose to stay, making Earth their new home.
Darcy and Howard take the egg home and sing “I Was Made For Lovin’ You” by KISS as a lullaby, much to the annoyance of their upstairs neighbor. They seem to have a peaceful moment, but with the egg still unhatched, it’s hard to say if the baby is really asleep.
After a while, the couple leaves the house to have some time alone, but there’s a knock at the door. Instead of their angry neighbor, it’s Topaz (Rachel House), the Grandmaster’s (Matt Friend) bodyguard, offering them two all-expense-paid tickets to a luxury cruise through the stars hosted by the Grandmaster himself.
They’re surprised by the personal invitation but happily accept. They take the egg with them, as it seems babies under three are allowed to board the ship for free, just like at Disney World.
Trouble on the Grandmaster’s Ship
The cruise begins, but things aren’t going to be easy for Howard and Darcy. As they board, they are watched by Yondu (Michael Rooker), who contacts his “buyer,” informing them that he will be taking the “package” off-world.
Upon entering the ship’s atrium, the Grandmaster greets them and casually mentions that the reason they were invited is because of their egg. Before Howard and Darcy can ask questions, the Grandmaster introduces them to a group of childcare robots designed to let them relax.
They leave the egg with the robots, although it’s unclear if they fully heard what the Grandmaster said. After leaving the egg, the couple follows the Grandmaster to a welcome brunch where they are seated at the head of the table, as the guests of honor. They don’t seem to question why they’ve been given such special treatment, likely due to sleep deprivation from their new baby.
As they examine the menu, Darcy mentions that she can’t read it because it’s in an alien language. Howard uses his phone to translate the menu, but the results imply that he and Darcy are either honored guests or the main course.
Unfortunately, it turns out that the Grandmaster is planning to serve their baby to the guests. Howard realizes this too late, but Darcy is already distracted, so it’s up to Howard to save the day. Before the baby can be roasted, Yondu arrives, taking the egg for himself.
The Chase for the Baby
Chaos ensues as Darcy and Howard run after Yondu, trying to save their baby. They chase him all the way to a wormhole, but before they can catch him, the wormhole closes, and Darcy loses hope. She decides to call SHIELD for help, specifically Agent Coulson (Clark Gregg) and Director Fury (Samuel L. Jackson).
Coulson tells Fury that this may be connected to the “Convergence” they’ve been searching for. Darcy and Howard are confused about why everyone is after their baby, and Fury explains that recovering the egg is SHIELD’s top priority.
When he asks what they know about the Cosmic Convergence, Darcy remembers that it happened on her due date. Fury explains that the Convergence was a sign that a new power was being born, and everyone believed that their baby is that power.
Coulson and Fury try to figure out where Yondu is heading, and through Howard’s video feed, they learn that Yondu’s ship is headed to meet the Collector in the Cat’s Eye galaxy. Fury promises to protect the baby but doesn’t promise to return it.
Howard tells Darcy that they don’t need to wait for SHIELD to figure it out—they know where the Collector is: Knowhere. The couple races to the skull-shaped planet, Knowhere, to try to retrieve their baby.
The Collector and the Mirror Dimension
Upon arrival, Yondu meets with the Collector, but he is instead introduced to Master Kaecillius (Jared Butler), who has trapped the Collector in the Mirror Dimension, waiting for the egg.
Yondu tries to negotiate with Kaecillius, offering more money for the egg, but Kaecillius uses the power of the Dark Dimension to hypnotize Yondu and take the egg for himself. He leaves Yondu to be killed by his disciples, taking the egg with him.
Darcy and Howard arrive on Knowhere and sneak through the sewage tunnels. They try to blend in by wearing robes, hoping to avoid detection while they figure out what is happening. To their horror, they find their baby in the center of a dark ritual where Kaecillius and his disciples are preparing to use the egg for something much more sinister.
They hear one disciple mention “ensoulment,” and things take a terrifying turn when Kaecillius summons Dormammu to take the egg as his new body. Before they can stop them, Coulson and Fury arrive on the scene, releasing gas canisters to scare everyone off and rescue the egg.
The Standoff for the Baby
Fury and Coulson have a standoff with Kaecillius, telling him that SHIELD will take care of the egg. Howard and Darcy want their baby back, but Fury insists that they can’t trust the egg to them.
Kaecillius tries to take the egg from SHIELD, warping the room using his powers. The egg bounces around through various portals before landing in front of Darcy and Howard. The couple grabs the egg and escapes, heading for safety.
SHIELD continues to pursue them, so they must find a place to hide. Howard suggests they take refuge in Jotunheim, the icy planet where Frost Giant Loki (Tom Hiddleston) is opening a luxury ski resort.
Loki agrees to help them hide from SHIELD, though Darcy, still wearing a sleeveless shirt, doesn’t seem bothered by the cold. Before they can relax, SHIELD arrives, with Fury and Coulson landing on Jotunheim to reclaim the egg.
Loki’s Intervention and the Final Chase
Just when things seem hopeless, Loki runs into his father Laufey (Andrew Morgado), who decides that taking the egg is the best way to restore Jotunheim. Loki tries to convince his father to help his friends instead, but Laufey refuses. A bolt of lightning destroys the ski lodge, confirming Loki’s point.
However, it turns out that the lightning wasn’t from Thor—it was Zeus (Darin De Paul), another one of Yondu’s buyers, who had come to claim the egg. As the situation becomes more complicated with the arrival of more powerful beings like the Dark Elves and Kaecillius, Darcy, and Howard decide they must flee with their baby.
They run into Thanos’s (Josh Brolin) children, who initially came for a company retreat but are now more interested in the egg. Thanos is called in, but he is unimpressed by the egg. As more buyers arrive, including the Grandmaster, the situation gets even more chaotic.
Zeus strikes the ship with lightning, causing it to fall from the sky. Amid all this madness, Howard and Darcy manage to escape, riding a broken-off piece of machinery down the mountain.
The Baby Hatches and the Final Resolution
After their harrowing escape, Darcy and Howard have a quiet moment with their egg at the bottom of the mountain, knowing the situation isn’t going to end well. As the horde closes in, they sing “I Was Made For Lovin’ You” one last time, and the egg finally hatches.
Instead of simply cracking open, the baby rises in a glowing beam of light before finally hatching and releasing a powerful blast of energy. The light kills many of the surrounding beings, but Loki, Laufey, Coulson, and Fury wisely take cover.
As the baby girl settles into Darcy and Howard’s arms, Fury tells them that he’s happy to leave the child with them, since they’ve shown they’re more than capable of protecting her. SHIELD, having seen the parents’ love for the child, steps away.
Loki and Laufey offer the couple a stay at Jotunheim, but Darcy says they are happy to go home. Before they leave, the baby says its first words: “Hi, Daddy,” and Howard laughs in pure joy.
