In her latest book, ‘Outofshapeworthlessloser,’ the 28-year-old skates, Gracie Gold candidly shares the heartbreaking experience of losing her best friend to suicide amid sexual misconduct allegations.
Gracie Gold, the skater, is shedding light on the profound loss of her close friend and fellow figure skater, John Coughlin.
She reflects on the emotional impact of discovering that Coughlin, aged 33, took his own life following restrictions from figure skating due to sexual misconduct allegations. Gracie Gold shares the personal toll, particularly as a survivor of sexual assault herself.
“When you’re a woman who, just two years earlier, experienced rape within the skating community, and—aside from your sister—your dearest person is accused of sexual misconduct against women in the skating community… it’s a challenging situation,” Gold shares with PEOPLE in this week’s issue.
The Olympic figure skater initially forged a profound bond with Coughlin in 2017, following her return from a 45-day inpatient treatment at the Meadows in Arizona, addressing her ongoing struggles with an eating disorder, severe depression, and anxiety.
After her treatment, Gracie Gold discovered encouraging messages on her phone, notably from Coughlin, whom she acknowledges in the book for playing a pivotal role in her comeback. He became one of the few believers during a period when the divide with her family was evident.
Gold discloses that her mother, Denise, a retired ER nurse, was struggling with heavy drinking, while her father, Carl, an anesthesiologist and long-time addict, had recently been laid off for stealing drugs from the hospital. Amidst family challenges, Gracie and her twin sister Carly were navigating a tough phase, with Carly urging Gracie to seek help for her eating disorder and mental health struggles.
Gold’s healing journey involved navigating life after enduring sexual assault by a fellow skater. In her memoir, she reflects, “I survived the assault, but when I consider [photographs] from before it happened, I barely recognize the trusting person staring back at me.” Support from friends like Coughlin played a crucial role in this process.
However, her recovery took a painful turn on Dec. 17, 2018, when the U.S. Center for SafeSport restricted Coughlin—her guiding force post-treatment—from professional ice-skating competitions due to sexual assault allegations from others in the skating community. Gold expresses the struggle of reconciling being a survivor herself while also being best friends with someone accused of sexual misconduct.
Coughlin tragically took his own life in 2019 before SafeSport concluded its investigation, leaving Gold to grapple with the uncertainty surrounding his loss.
Reflecting on John, she shares, “When I think of John, I only have fond memories, but I also in no way would invalidate the truths of the people that accused him. If he’s guilty, my favorite person sexually assaulted women. If he’s innocent, my favorite person is [still] dead. There’s not going to be an answer in this lifetime. I loved him, and I have to live with that.”
