5. Super Saiyans are not special
From the moment you saw the opening theme song to Dragon Ball Z, you were waiting for the moment promised, when Goku finally went Super Saiyan.
And when his hair finally ignited and his eyes changed to a tint of baby blue, right before the longest five-minute fight in the entire history of the universe, you pumped your prepubescent fists in the air because it was all worth it.
That moment is undoubtedly one of the most satisfying in the series, which makes it kind of a bummer when you consider it wasn’t a big deal at all.
Even though the legendary Super Saiyan transformation is talked about in hushed tones for much of the series, for the Saiyan race it should never have been a major achievement. Hell, even a couple of first graders pulled it off.
How is that, anyway?
Think back to before Frieza Alderaan’d the planet Vegeta. The Saiyans were a super-race of cosmic dicks, traveling the galaxy and dominating every planet they could.
They were kind of like spacefaring Spartans — any personal qualities that didn’t involve strength and arrogance were frowned upon. It seemed to work out for them for a while, because during the Saiyan reign the people were never really challenged.
Saiyans rarely had to really push themselves emotionally or physically, so it’s no wonder nobody went Super.
But because Goku is raised around humans, he learns their compassion and eventually changes forms after a traumatic loss. Gohan, Trunks and Goten are all able to do this much earlier, potentially because they’re half-human and therefore more in touch with their emotions.
Really though, Vegeta proves that any Saiyan has the capacity to go Super. If Nappa had stuck around longer, he’d probably have sported a pointy gold mustache sooner or later. And you can bet that if humans had the ability to go Super Saiyan, pretty much everyone on the street would look like a buff Guy Fieri.
But humans don’t have that ability. So you can stop screaming and clenching your fists in your room now.
4. Krillin is the most skilled fighter on the show
No one is going to argue that Krillin is the strongest fighter in Dragon Ball Z. That’s not what we’re talking about here. Everyone knows that Goku’s ingrown toenail has a higher power level than his bald buddy.
No, we’re talking about skill level. Despite overwhelming odds, Krillin stuck in there for most of Dragon Ball Z. He was hanging with the Saiyans, Frieza, the Androids, and even a bit of Cell. Something had to keep him in the fight, and it sure wasn’t his aerodynamic headbutts.
Krillin is severely underpowered compared to pretty much everyone else, but that’s the whole point. Because he was so weak, Krillin had to learn to use what he had to its fullest potential.
Whereas Goku and Vegeta got nice power boosts after every battle because they were born Saiyans, Krillin had to learn to survive in a world that outclassed him by miles. Somehow, he managed to stay relevant at a fraction of the power of those around him.
Imagine what it’d be like if Krillin was imbued with the power of Goku. He’d easily eviscerate every other fighter in the universe, simply because he’s had to train harder and smarter than anyone else in the series.
People make fun of Krillin for dying a lot, but that’s because he’s always in the fight, whether or not he’s guaranteed Cell meat. Let’s face it, guys: Yamcha is the real Krillin here.
3. Bulma’s mom is an android (made by her dad)
Ever notice how Bulma’s mom stays consistently young throughout the series? During the Majin Buu saga Mrs. Brief is supposedly pushing 70, but she and her tube top still look straight out of MTV’s Singled Out.
There’s only one possible explanation: No, not years of painful cosmetic procedures. The DBZ solution, being that Dr. Brief built an android to be his eternally baleful wife.
There are some natural questions that arise with this kind of fan theory. “So uh, does that make Bulma half an android? Can androids even give birth to human children?” To answer that, I give you this:
Just like Mrs. Brief, Android 18 remains youthful for years after her husband succumbs to old age.
18 is able to give birth to children without a problem, mostly because she was once human before she was kidnapped and turned into a cyborg by the evil Dr. Gero. If Mrs. Brief suffered the same fate, it would put a new and terrible undertone to her sunny disposition. Inside, she could be crying out for help, while her programming mandates that she stay a loving wife to her captor husband.
Compared to that, having a bomb planted inside you doesn’t sound so bad.
2. Frieza lost to Goku out of sheer laziness
Villains in general usually have an arrogance problem. They see no problem in strolling away from the room while their rivals slowly descend into a pit of lava.
In their mind, there is no conceivable way that their bulletproof schemes could go wrong. The same could be said for Frieza, who remains blind to the idea that he could ever be defeated — until he meets a certain Super Saiyan.
But the difference between Frieza and a James Bond villain is that Frieza actually has the skills to conquer the universe, if only he applied himself. Seriously, the dude has several possible transformations at his disposal, but he chooses to scoot around in his hoverchair.
Frieza is immensely powerful but refuses to use his abilities to his advantage because he’s just too damn lazy. When he blows up planet Vegeta with his finger, Frieza is only in his first form, and still sitting in his hoverchair.
Why he rides around in that thing even in his own ship is inexplicable, unless he just wants to get to the front of the line of all the rides at Disneyland.
The thing is, we know Frieza is capable of a lot more, and it wouldn’t even take much effort.
In the Dragon Ball Z movie Resurrection F, Frieza is wished back to life and immediately starts plotting his revenge against Goku. Afraid of getting his ass handed to him by a Super Saiyan God, Frieza decides to train until he’s up to snuff.
It only takes four months for Frieza to unlock a newer, shinier form. Four months for what took a Super Saiyan years to achieve. If Frieza had trained like one day a month at Planet Fitness leading up to the Namek Saga, Goku would have never been a problem. But he still decided to cruise around in his Space Rascal.
1. The world would have been much better off without Goku
Goku means well. He really does. When Goku gave Frieza 38 different chances to live only to be immediately and repeatedly betrayed, he was doing so out of a sense of honor.
It’s hard to knock the guy when he’s saved the planet countless times. But maybe the planet wouldn’t need saving if Goku never existed.
Say Goku is never sent to Earth. Raditz never comes looking for him, which means that Vegeta and Nappa never come to Earth looking for the Dragon Balls.
Dr. Gero wouldn’t vow to murder the child he doesn’t know about, so he never makes the Androids or Cell. And with no Super Saiyans on Earth, there’d be no energy for which to release Buu from his cocoon. And since everyone has agreed that Dragon Ball GT never happened in any timeline, that about wraps it up for the major bad guys threatening the world.
Sure, there’d be evil lurking in the hearts of men, but that’s where these guys come in.
Without any burdens like running from/hooking up with killer aliens from outer space, Bulma and the Capsule Corporation would be free to build their massive technological empire.
We know Bulma in particular is a brilliant scientist — she created a time machine in a basement. She’s basically the Iron Man of the DBZ universe, but she never got a chance to shine because she was always preoccupied with the latest world-shattering crisis. The Red Ribbon Army wouldn’t stand a chance against Capsule Corp at their full potential.
Let that be a lesson to you: Never let alien man-monkeys get in the way of your dreams.
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